im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
