so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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