I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
