I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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