just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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