Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
