she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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