I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The struggles of a small town man whore
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize