The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
