How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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