she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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