even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
