sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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