Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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