I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
