so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
