eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
