I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
