All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
