He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
