The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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