He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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