I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
