'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
