I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
