Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
