i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
