how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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