In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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