Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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