I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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