fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
