did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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