oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
