Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
