In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
