dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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