Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
