We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
