I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
