just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
