5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
