Dignity is for republicans.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
