i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
