she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
