I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
