so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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