i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
