hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Text me some of your sweat
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