Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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