Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
