I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
