I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
