Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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