Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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