I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
