I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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