god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
