The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
