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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (718): View more from New York

  If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.

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• (516): View more from New York

  She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.

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• (315): View more from New York

  I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit

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