His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure