i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.