apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
