She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance