In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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