All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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We left the knife in your bed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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