Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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