he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
