The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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