Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
