i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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